Holiday Boundaries

Staying Close to Yourself this Holiday

So many things happening this month. It’s a busy one for everyone. It’s also one filled with pressure and expectation. And lots of it!

Last summer I got a reminder. A reminder of what happens when I ignore myself. In my own process of being true to myself and my own needs and desires, I’ve come a long way. The result of that being that I’m a much, much happier and much more fulfilled person. I don’t have the anxiety I once carried around. And most of the time I feel healthy, well rested and very clear in my head, in my body, in my heart, and most importantly all these parts work together harmoniously. I also don’t carry around the immense amount of anger and resentment I used to think was just a part of being human, a woman, me.

Last August I went back to the place where I grew up. I saw my sisters. Scattered my dads ashes. I then met 2 of my kids and my husband for some time together. The trip as a whole was beautiful, refreshing and also in many ways trying. It was not trying because of dynamics, or logistics. The reason it was trying was much deeper than that. It was trying because I was so disconnected from myself during the trip, for the first time in years.

Now this used to be my way of being. I was “chill”, “easy going”, accommodating, “happy” with almost anything. I believed I had very few needs. I went along with what everyone else wanted to do. And along the way I supported. I tried my best to make things better, easier and more beautiful for everyone else. And I made a point of showing up looking and acting nice. All without showing any of the effort that went into any of it. Effortless. Beautiful. Exhausted.

This is how I was taught to be in the world, the lessons my mother was taught, and her mother, and so on. Along the way some of the generations before me could hold it together, or maybe genuinely fit the role? I’m not sure. But some, not so much. My mom for example couldn’t keep it up, for her that became the need to numb out, constantly. For me, well I went that route for a bit too, but ultimately I got to the point where I had to choose another way. For myself, and for the generations that follow. My deep sensitivity, what I once saw as I burden, I now see as my savior. It made leaving myself behind absolutely unbearable, and therefore I had to find my own path out of it.

So last summer, for the one month that I was away, I ignored myself. I went back to going with the flow, fitting in to what other people wanted to do, I joined into the conversations as they were, smiling and nodding, not to ruffle any feathers or add much, or to be seen as different. I let my self care practices slide, knowing they’d be there waiting for me when I got home. And at the end of it. I was exhausted. Not just tired. But soul level wiped out. It took me months to feel like myself again. To get back into my own rythym. I forgot, temporarily, how to listen to what I wanted and how to navigate through my days and weeks. It’s amazing how the people pleasing all rushed back in. And along with it, anxiety, anger, resentment, so much frustration and a cloudiness that hung over it all that made me feel so incredibly disconnected from myself and the people around me. That was the worst part. We were all there together but I couldn’t feel it. The connection. The love. The intimacy. Now I could go into a whole big explanation of why I believe this happened, but that’s not the point.

The point is that this is what happens during the holidays. The holidays are supposed to be about the important stuff, the things that really matter. Connection, love, being with the people you care for most. But sadly, along the way, the meaning has been lost. I don’t need to tell you that the holidays have largely become about consumerism, business, perfectionism and expectation. It’s obvious! But the fact that we go along with that, that we go with the flow, fulfill our given roles and duties and say yes to a whole host of things we really don’t have the energy for or want to do is far more damaging than we’re actually aware of.

The reason you feel totally burnt out and like you need months of recovery after the holidays? Yes, it can have to do with triggers and family dynamics, but more than anything it has to do with self-abandonment. Leaving ourselves behind while ignoring our needs and wants. We’re not exhausted because we’re doing too much. We’re exhausted because we’re saying yes to our nos, and no to our yeses.

So. This holiday, we’re going to do things differently. We’re sticking by ourselves and we’re doing it together. I’ve put together a free downloadable guide to get you started. It will help you get some boundaries in place as the season begins, it will lead to to get clear on your yeses and nos. That’s what we need to start with.

The guide will also help you get clear on how you want to wake up feeling that first week of January. For me, I want to feel well rested, clear and deeply connected to and filled with love for my family. For you, it may be something different. Setting an intention for the holiday is the first step, it will be your compass as you enter into the season. Then you can decide, with every choice you make, how to support that intention.

As we embark on the month of December I want you to be thinking of and honoring the woman you’re becoming, which means your choices will most likely be different from the ones you made last year.

My guide is the starting point.

Keep an eye out for the other offerings I’ll be putting out this month to further support you, including my free masterclass which is taking place Friday, December 12th at 2pm London time! Which will go further into decision making and communication, building on the boundaries guide.

I believe women need all the support they can get, especially during the holidays, because let’s be honest, these roles we assume, they’re deeply ingrained. And when we’re surrounded by senior generations of women in our families, combined (possibly) with our kids… well there are many opinions about how you show up and how things are done. But I believe this is the perfect time to do things differently! To stick by yourself. You’re not only doing it for yourself and for future generations, but for the women who came before you, who maybe didn’t have as many choices as you do now. Maybe that’s part of the conversation this year. And maybe you’ll discover there is more openness and more support than you might think.

I wish you all my love for a beautiful week, and an aligned holiday season.

xxxWhit

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Honest Holiday Boundaries Guide

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Masterclass: How to Say No, Navigate a Maybe and Own Your Yes This Holiday Season

In the Masterclass you’ll learn:
• Your real yes/no lives in the body, not the brain
• How to feel the difference between a true yes and a true no
• How to navigate a maybe without abandoning yourself

You’ll walk away with:
• Clear, loving phrases to confidently deliver a no
• The knowledge of what to do with a maybe, how to slow it down and guide it toward a yes or a no with integrity and truth
• Immediate clarity on what actually supports you this season
• More space, more ease, more self-honoring, exactly when you need it most